Struggling With Hypocrisy

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the fear some men, too often including myself, feel regarding situations of confrontation.

Central to this fear is the basic human desire to have other people like us, think well of us. That same desire can lead to a lot of other interesting things; one of its results, notable in certain Christian circles, is the euphemistic use of the word “struggling.”

The Oxford English Dictionary defines “struggle” thusly:

“To contend resolutely, esp. with an adversary of superior power; to offer obstinate resistance; to make violent efforts to escape from constraint.”

“To make great efforts in spite of difficulties; to contend resolutely with (a task, burden); to strive to do something difficult.”

“Struggling” is a present active participle. It indicates continuing action.

How very peculiar, then, the way we often use this word when speaking of various personal besetting sins. “I’ve been struggling with using my time well.” “I’ve been struggling with lust.” “I’ve been struggling with trying to love certain people. It’s hard, you know?”

Now sometimes these sentences mean what they purport to mean. A person might really be contending resolutely, in spite of great difficulties, to love people who are just downright not very lovable. (Yeah, you know who I’m talking about. Those people.)

But more often, at least in my own personal experience, this is not quite what I mean:

“Struggling with using my time well” means something like “I keep wasting hours on the internet, and I don’t have the self-discipline to just make myself stop, but if I phrase it this way you’ll excuse my sin as a common human foible and I can have the pleasant sensation of accountability without all the uncomfortable realities.”

“I’ve been struggling with lust” means “I keep entirely failing to restrain myself when tempted to imagine pleasurable, if forbidden, encounters with whichever female has caught my attention at the moment. Sometimes I don’t even make the usual halfhearted attempt at purity. But now I can pretend I’ve confessed without actually giving you any of the nasty particulars.”

“I’ve been struggling with trying to love certain people” translates into “I haven’t been struggling with loving those people. I just don’t like ‘em, and I’m not particularly interested in changing; but I can’t admit that to you Christian types, or I’ll look bad, so I act like I want to and just find it very difficult.”

In short, the only continuing action this present active participle denotes is a continued failure to actually face up to my sin and conquer it. It’s a hypocritical attempt at the kind of false honesty that lets people like me for being a good Christian person, and like me even more for being honest.

Men – we have to stop doing this. We should be struggling with sin: offering obstinate resistance, making violent efforts to escape, striving to do something we know is more difficult than our own abilities will allow. More than that, we should be winning – because it’s not about our own abilities. As one missions organization proclaims, “Don’t let your struggle be in vain.” As a certain apostle might add, “For it is Christ who works in you, to will and to do according to His good pleasure.”

We should be experiencing victory. But when we fail, we need to take responsibility (that word all bad men hate and all good men learn to submit to) for our actions, and their results.

This doesn’t mean we have to broadcast the details of our sin to the world. I wouldn’t recommend it. But with spiritual leaders, mentors, accountability partners, close friends, wives for those who have them, we cannot be less than honest. We dare not. Dishonest euphemisms undermine our spiritual support structure and mire us in masks we can’t possibly maintain.

Brothers, we are not called to slavery beneath the yoke of sin, but to freedom in Christ. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Maybe we need to start by being honest with God… and with ourselves.

Take responsibility. ‘Fess up. Be men.