Comments for Reclaiming Manhood http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com Sun, 14 Jan 2007 06:34:59 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Necessary Dispensibility by Pinon Coffee http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/necessary-dispensibility/#comment-133 Pinon Coffee Sun, 14 Jan 2007 06:34:59 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/necessary-dispensibility/#comment-133 Cool. You posted. :-) To answer: yes, I think men need to be needed, and if they don't get that sense of needed-ness at home (generally via appreciation, probably?), they'll look for it somewhere else, like work. But I also think women need to be needed. We saw that even in "The Hairy Ape," when the girl was telling her aunt how she wanted to do something worthwhile. Of course, O'Neill's characters are hardly paragons of proper femininity; but he seems to be onto something. It wouldn't surprise me if the "It's so nice running my own home!" sentiment, like from Charlotte in P&P, is related to that being-needed-ness. But it seems to me that this needing-to-be-needed works itself out differently in men and women. Cool. You posted. :-)

To answer: yes, I think men need to be needed, and if they don’t get that sense of needed-ness at home (generally via appreciation, probably?), they’ll look for it somewhere else, like work.

But I also think women need to be needed. We saw that even in “The Hairy Ape,” when the girl was telling her aunt how she wanted to do something worthwhile. Of course, O’Neill’s characters are hardly paragons of proper femininity; but he seems to be onto something. It wouldn’t surprise me if the “It’s so nice running my own home!” sentiment, like from Charlotte in P&P, is related to that being-needed-ness.

But it seems to me that this needing-to-be-needed works itself out differently in men and women.

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by John S. http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-103 John S. Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:31:28 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-103 http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail131.html http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail131.html

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by John S. http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-102 John S. Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:30:07 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-102 or something. or something.

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by John S. http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-101 John S. Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:29:38 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-101 dead. dead.

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by John S. http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-100 John S. Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:28:48 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-100 is pretty much.... is pretty much….

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by John S. http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-99 John S. Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:28:25 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-99 I think... this blog I think… this blog

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by Lobelia http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-98 Lobelia Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:21:25 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-98 Men used to wait for the ladies to extend their hands then they would take it and bow, or kiss it but that varied. Wouldn't that be an extension of the men-waiting-for-women handshake timeing? Men used to wait for the ladies to extend their hands then they would take it and bow, or kiss it but that varied. Wouldn’t that be an extension of the men-waiting-for-women handshake timeing?

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by Robert John Kanary http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-97 Robert John Kanary Mon, 13 Nov 2006 03:54:28 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-97 About handshakes... Someone who shakes your hand firmly (but not in a vice-like fashion) is more apt to get my attention, especially if it is accompanied by eye to eye contact. It becomes a way of saying, "I am fully focused on you" VERSUS routinely shaking your hand while concentrating on the flower arrangement on the table or the moosehead over the fire place." If I am correct (and I have not been monitering it, but may indeed henceforth pay more attention to the facet of social interaction), flimsy / weakgrippers (new words for someone's personal vocabulary store) handshakers often lack focused attention... while as you say, the vicegrippers are focused on overpowering or crushing. Or maybe its sometimes simply a matter of one person who eats wheaties and another who is anemic :-) About handshakes… Someone who shakes your hand firmly (but not in a vice-like fashion) is more apt to get my attention, especially if it is accompanied by eye to eye contact. It becomes a way of saying, “I am fully focused on you” VERSUS routinely shaking your hand while concentrating on the flower arrangement on the table or the moosehead over the fire place.” If I am correct (and I have not been monitering it, but may indeed henceforth pay more attention to the facet of social interaction), flimsy / weakgrippers (new words for someone’s personal vocabulary store) handshakers often lack focused attention… while as you say, the vicegrippers are focused on overpowering or crushing. Or maybe its sometimes simply a matter of one person who eats wheaties and another who is anemic :-)

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by Gabi http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-96 Gabi Mon, 06 Nov 2006 03:07:07 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-96 As to the issue of timing: To wait for someone to offer his/her hand first is a sign of respect for one's betters - just like holding a door for the person or walking on his/her left. Presumably this fits with the "I don't have a weapon" usage of handshakes in that the more powerful person in such an encounter, being in a more secure position, would offer his hand first. As to your encounter with the young lady, V-Dawg: It seems the young lady's training was somewhat lacking as well. Put in such a position, any self-respecting lady should take advantage of the clear shot she has and smack the man from here to tomorrow ;). As to the issue of timing: To wait for someone to offer his/her hand first is a sign of respect for one’s betters – just like holding a door for the person or walking on his/her left. Presumably this fits with the “I don’t have a weapon” usage of handshakes in that the more powerful person in such an encounter, being in a more secure position, would offer his hand first.

As to your encounter with the young lady, V-Dawg: It seems the young lady’s training was somewhat lacking as well. Put in such a position, any self-respecting lady should take advantage of the clear shot she has and smack the man from here to tomorrow ;) .

]]> Comment on Wet Fish by V-Dawg http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-95 V-Dawg Mon, 06 Nov 2006 01:10:41 +0000 http://reclaimingmanhood.wordpress.com/2006/10/25/wet-fish/#comment-95 First, a bit of speculation: If the handshake was initially designed to show you were not hiding any weapons in your hand, why do men wait for women to offer their hands? It would seem it would be the man's responsibility to show he wasn't intending to kill the lady before she would have to reveal she's weaponless. Back to the point. I don't think a weak handshake is an indication of a character flaw, but rather a training flaw. A handshake is part of your image, but doesn't usually reflect the state of your soul to that great an extent. A weak handshake means a lack of image-cultivation. An overly strong handshake, however, does usually indicate someone who feels the need to prove himself in a contest with whoever he's shaking hands with, and is thus more often indicative of a character flaw. I recall one time some years ago when I had gotten into a dispute with a girl I knew, and I had been told to apologize and shake hands. I engaged in a hand-crushing contest with the girl until the person who had told me to apologize noticed and stopped me. This was definitely a case of trying to exert my will through a handshake. First, a bit of speculation: If the handshake was initially designed to show you were not hiding any weapons in your hand, why do men wait for women to offer their hands? It would seem it would be the man’s responsibility to show he wasn’t intending to kill the lady before she would have to reveal she’s weaponless.
Back to the point. I don’t think a weak handshake is an indication of a character flaw, but rather a training flaw. A handshake is part of your image, but doesn’t usually reflect the state of your soul to that great an extent. A weak handshake means a lack of image-cultivation. An overly strong handshake, however, does usually indicate someone who feels the need to prove himself in a contest with whoever he’s shaking hands with, and is thus more often indicative of a character flaw.
I recall one time some years ago when I had gotten into a dispute with a girl I knew, and I had been told to apologize and shake hands. I engaged in a hand-crushing contest with the girl until the person who had told me to apologize noticed and stopped me. This was definitely a case of trying to exert my will through a handshake.

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